Will he like me? Do I look good enough? Do I feel desirable? These classic go-to questions seem to always buzz around in our heads when we’re on a new date. No matter how badly we want to flick away these flies of torment, and pretend they don’t exist, they always seem to creep up on our insecurities, feeding off our self-doubt. So, how can you banish these head bugs for good? The trick is changing the way you approach dating. The problem is that many women enter a dating situation with the hopes of impressing the guy and gaining his approval. Once you change this dynamic and realize your own power and worth, you can start feeling more secure on dates.

Let him work

Let your date work for your approval, instead of eagerly trying to win points with him. If you’re too desperate to earn his thumbs-up, he’ll feel like he has power over you. Doing the whole “choose me wiggle and dance” actually makes him lose interest because you’re doing all the chasing. This power shift makes you feel insecure and less desirable. So, the next time you find yourself on a date with a guy that you want to impress, try sitting back and inviting him to work for your affections. Let him ask you more questions or flirt to seek your stamp of approval.

Flip the script

 Ever been on a date with guys who think it’s charming to be cocky? These are the ones who always mention their good-looking ex or brag about how picky they are about women, only to put themselves on a pedestal…gag! It’s imperative to avoid these duds, but if you’re ever caught with one, you should learn to dodge all their hot air…

This is an excerpt from the article Adventures in Dating: Get What You Want Out of a First Date which originally appeared on www.justatraceblog.com.