Dear Co-it-all,

My spouse and I are currently at a stalemate. I am pregnant and around four months along which means it’s time start telling our family and friends. He wants to do this via social media (yesterday he suggested I post our sonogram to my Instagram). I say this is totally cheesy and lame. What say you?

First off, can I just thank you for saying “I am pregnant”. Call it a personal pet peeve, but I get so annoyed by the whole “we are pregnant thing.” Unless “we” is a lesbian couple who have both been impregnated at the same time, then no—“we” are not pregnant. “We” are having a baby, but only one person is actually with child.

Okay, starter rant over, now onto the main course…

What I say about posting a baby sonogram to Instagram (or Facebook) is helllllllll no. And not just because Blac Chyna did exactly that earlier this week. I completely agree that it is cheesy and lame, somehow both braggy and needy at the same time. I would go further to say it is a sign of multiple modern ailments: how we aren’t able to enjoy our lives unless we “share” them with other people, how we lose our identities in our progeny, how we assume that our wee ones are as fascinating to everyone else as they are to us… I could go on. Point is, I share your opinion, but then we are not having a baby (haha!).

Much as you may be in denial, you’re the one who decided to share your happily-ever-after with a guy who thinks posting a sonogram to social media is a swell thing to do. Which doesn’t make him a monster or a mega-dork, by the way. Judging by my Insta-feed over the last few years, it actually makes him pretty darn normal. In your letter you ask who is wrong and who is right, but of course, the real question is—how do we solve this situation in a way that works for both of us?

I have a few thoughts, but first can we do a quick sidebar on the fact that hubby suggested you post the sonogram to your account. Why not his account if he’s the one who thinks it’s such a great idea? Is he not on Instagram? Does he have some kind of job where privacy is of the utmost importance. Are you married to a real life 007? Or is it something else?

Maybe he just meant that you would both post the photo (you to your account, he to his), which is perhaps a bit of overkill, but far better than another possibility. I am reluctant to even suggest this, since you say absolutely nothing about your husband being a passive misogynist, but if he thinks the sonogram should go on your account because you are the mom, then that is really a bigger problem. If that’s the case, now is probably a good time to have a serious conversation about parental responsibility and gender roles.

If that is not the case (and I really hope it’s not), would it be okay with you if husband posted the sonogram to his own account? Still not cool with you? Okay, fine, but is it like, “you just bought the new Maroon 5 ablum,” not cool, or is it a deal breaker? If it’s the former then I would suggest a grin and bear it approach, that acknowledges that we don’t have to love everything a person does to love the person.

If it’s the latter then it’s time to start negotiating. Would a private, limited Instagram account work for you? Would an email group with close family and friends work for him? How about posting the sonogram on SnapChat (at least the evidence will self destruct)? I’m mostly kidding about that last suggestion, but if it works for both of you, then go for it.

The important part here is that you come to a mutually agreeable solution, rather than having one person’s preference get bulldozed by the other’s. You’re about to become parents—I’m guessing any time spent brushing up on the fine art of compromise won’t be a waste.