I feel like this post is a long, long time coming. In fact, I started a draft of this post about 2 years ago. The problem is that I always struggled to get all my thoughts and opinions about kids into one coherent post. So I figured a Thinking Out Loud style post would work best. So fair warning, I may ramble.

When Tom and I got married, we made it very clear to friends and family that they shouldn’t expect us to get pregnant right away. Five years we told them. Well, that 5 years is in March next year and I can guarantee we will not be having kids by that deadline.

Life has a pretty clear plan — you fall in love, get married and make babies. That’s what society expects us to do. Believe me, I know that’s what’s expected. Over the 4 years I’ve been married I cannot possibly count the number of times I’ve been asked when we are going to have children.

When people ask if we are going to have kids, I say not now. I see the same reaction time and time again, the persons eyes bulge in shock and a look of sadness washes over their face and they say “but you will have them someday right?” I, of course, say yes, because it makes that look of pity go away. That look that says if you don’t have kids you won’t have a full life. That look that says you who will take care of you when you’re older if you don’t have kids. That look that says won’t you be lonely without kids?

But truthfully the answer to the question is I don’t know. Admitting that is terrifying and not just because I know my Mom will likely read this and cry, but it’s terrifying because it’s not an acceptable answer in our society…

This is an excerpt from the article The Expectations to Have Kids and Why it Needs to Stop which originally appeared on http://www.prettylittlegrub.com/.