Seeing as neither Nikita nor I are particularly crafty (read: zero fucks given about crafts), we’re super thankful for Rebel friends like Nikki who come through in the 11th hour to help our community of equally nonchalant Halloween participants after they’ve realized that, “Shit, it’s actually Halloween THIS weekend and I have a child now … so I’m officially required to actually CARE”.

Let’s face it, this holiday was only entertaining when it was (not-always) fondly referred to as “Slutoween” and all you had to do was look hot and party ’til dawn. Good times.

So for all the ladies in the place who just realized they’re on the verge of being a shitty mom for (purposely or accidentally) forgetting to purchase that costume when it hit the racks in early September (yeah, really) … here are some easy, lazy, and completely last minute works of art that may (or may not) give you the pass this Halloween, along with a few words of wisdom and my very own attempt at being crafty for THE. FIRST. TIME. EVER.

It actually wasn’t as horrible as I’d anticipated either.

Although next year we may just opt to hand over the project to the grandparents and get together for something much more sexy.

If you’re really not feelin’ the Halloween walk from house to house, just deck yourself and your spawn in all black and bust out your best nighttime makeup (Lord knows you ain’t using it) for a last minute Zombie duo to open the door and hand out candy. Or throw sunglasses, makeup, jewelry and a fur coat on your girl and tell her she’s now a bonafide celeb.

The win: YOU get to be the official controller of said candy, and Reese’s Pieces go great with alcohol.


This is an excerpt from the article GODDAMMIT, IT’S HALLOWEEN AGAIN which originally appeared on The Rebel Mama.